


riding rockets

by bravepress



Category: Firefly
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-15
Updated: 2013-08-15
Packaged: 2017-12-23 14:30:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/927604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bravepress/pseuds/bravepress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>she's so much less than she used to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	riding rockets

The words dance around her, just out of her grasp.

_"It's okay, mei mei. It won't be so bad this time. I promise."_

He promises. 

The meaning of the phrase slips out of her mind like sand. She remembers promises. Those existed at the Academy (she flinches at the thought of that place, but controls the movement, makes it look like a graceful little twitch).

_We promise it won't hurt. We promise it won't be permanent. You'll see your brother soon, we promise._

The last one had been the worst. And she'd almost believed them; she'd been so desperate for a little hope. Her rational mind immediately dismissed the possibility of seeing Simon, but some sentimentality still managed to squeeze through the cracks.

She's in The Room now (the word  _clinic_ doesn't seem sinister enough), full of bright white light and no hiding places. She feels exposed, naked, despite the crêpe-textured gown and the thick blanket.

"Really, River. It's just a little pinch. Don't be scared."

"No."

She doesn't mean to come off as a petulant child- really, it's true. But she can't control her words anymore. Her tongue and ears work on their own account. She hears whatever her brain wants, and her mouth responds accordingly. She stopped trying to make sense of it around the time Simon figured out how he was going to try to fix her.

"Listen." And suddenly he's down on one knee in front of her (she wants to laugh, because it's like the old wedding traditions she studied so carefully between math and science lessons, before she could outthink the computer), his hands on her shoulders. River flinches away, even though it's Simon. It's just Simon. He feels like home, but her body moves without any River-input.

He notices, but pretends not to for her sake. Not that it works- River sees everything. Especially the things he doesn't want her to. So he takes a step back and tries again.

"Listen. I really do think this one is going to work. I modified the drug cocktail. It looks promising."

She tries hard to make sense of his words. She really does. There's a  _promise_ somewhere in the sentence, and the meaning slips away from her again. But now that he's moved away she can't see his face as clearly.

River shakes her head  _no,_ but her brother doesn't see (doesn't care?). There's a prick in her arm, tears in her eyes.

She years for the simplicity of equations, the ease of variables and calculations, but instead is stuck with a brother who doesn't understand the word  _no_ and a mouthful of questions she can't quite twist her tongue around.

It's painful when the girl genius becomes the village idiot. 


End file.
